We’re often very quick to weigh ourselves – both literally by jumping on a scale and more figuratively by assessing where we are in our lives. We tend to make a judgement based on surface results that are measurable – number on a scale, number in the bank account, number of likes, grades etc.
It makes sense. Our minds are trying to gauge how we’re doing compared to last year, compared to our colleagues, compared to random Instagram people we don’t know. We like to feel like we’re on track or “getting somewhere” so we’re typically on the quest for numbers that prove we’re headed in the right direction.
The problem, of course, is that change doesn’t come easy. And anybody who’s really worked to change anything – a health issue, a relationship pattern, an addiction, a mood disorder, a career move – knows this. It usually takes a lot of work and commitment and that work usually happens underground, with little affirmation or applause.
My work as a psychotherapist often happens in that “underground” setting. There are usually stretches of time where it looks like nothing is happening on the surface. I liken it to planting a seed and waiting for a green shoot to sprout through the soil. It invariably takes a while and that can make it especially difficult to stay committed and consistent. If we’re not seeing change fast enough we can be quick to think “it’s all pointless, nothing’s changing”. At which point we’ve got the perfect excuse to give up on the footwork. When in fact the only thing we should be measuring is the footwork – the many, often small, changes and decisions that need to happen daily to shift the needle.
In Overeaters Anonymous (the food equivalent of Alcoholics Anonymous) they sometimes say “your weight is none of your business”. What they mean is don’t focus on the number. Just put the work in and let go of the results. There’s something very powerful about that approach. Keeping our eyes on whether we’re showing up to the practices we know benefit us even on the days when it all seems pointless (or especially on the days we think it’s all pointless).
By practices I mean whatever helps you. My favorite is somatic meditation (shifting out of the thinking mind, dropping into the body and hanging out with whatever physical sensations are there). Movement is another key one – exercise is often the quickest way of shifting difficult energy. But sometimes self-care won’t look like a bubble bath or some text-book cliché. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for yourself in that moment is in fact vegetate in front of Netflix. Only you know when it’s time to push harder and when it’s time to let go and surrender.
The global pandemic has meant that food and weight struggles have become even more prevalent – all the being stuck indoors having difficult feelings has been a recipe for heading straight to the fridge. If you’re interested in a 3 minute video on whether weighing yourself (by stepping on an actual scale) is motivational or self sabotage check my video out here.
And since I know a lot of people will feel compelled to weigh themselves whatever I say, watch to the end to see my tips on weighing yourself more mindfully: Weighing Yourself: Motivational or Self Sabotage.
If the video feels useful you can find more on my online course called Binge Free.