For years I related to my introversion as an inconvenience I had to kind of “manage”, a trait that was a bit of a hindrance, but also surmountable. I definitely trained myself to be much more extroverted – it seemed obvious to me that being one of those people who is happy to “put themselves out there” worked better in most settings. Reading Susan Cain’s “Quiet: The Power of Introverts In A World That Can’t Stop Talking” confirmed that I was not alone in my reasoning. She describes how introversion is often viewed as a “second-class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology.” Her book totally made me rethink that lens and felt like a breath of fresh air.

The Bias Towards Extroversion and The “Extrovert Ideal”

She highlights that there really is a massive bias in our culture in favor of extroversion. According to the research,

“talkative people are rated as smarter, better-looking, more interesting and more desirable as friends. Velocity of speech counts as well as volume: we rank fast talkers as more competent and likable than slow ones. The same dynamics apply in groups, where research shows that the voluble are considered smarter than the reticent – even though there’s zero correlation between the gift of the gab and good ideas.”

Cain does a wonderful job of describing of how culturally we’ve become a society dominated by, what she calls, the “extrovert ideal”. She documents why and how this happened and also hilariously recounts her experiences at some modern day events and institutions where extroversion seems like a requirement; a Tony Robbins entry-level seminar (lots of whooping and clapping and some walking on hot coals)as well as Harvard Business School which a friend of hers called “the Spiritual Capital of Extroversion”.

Pressures to fit into the “extrovert ideal” start young. Classroom desks are increasingly arranged in pods to foster group learning. And research suggests that the vast majority of teachers believe that the ideal student is an extrovert. If your child isn’t participating enough in class, chances are that will flagged as problematic in their report cards. Whilst one third to one half of Americans are introverts, it’s easy to see why many of us end up pretending to be extroverts when we’re not.

Differences Between Extroverts and Introverts

If you’re not sure whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert (or an ambivert, which is also a thing) the book has a questionnaire but I also love Susan’s pithy summaries.

“Extroverts are the people who will add life to your dinner party and laugh generously at your jokes. They tend to be assertive, dominant, and in great need of company. Extroverts think out loud and on their feet: they prefer talking to listening, rarely find themselves lost for words, and occasionally blurt out things they never meant to say. They’re comfortable with conflict, but not with solitude.“

“Introverts in contrast may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while they wish they were at home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep conversations.“

I think her descriptions are helpful because we can sometimes conflate introversion with being hermit-like or super shy. But actually you can be “good with people” and be introverted. She points out that introverts are not necessarily shy.

“Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation, while introversion is a preference for environments that are not overstimulating. Shyness is inherently painful; introversion is not.”

Deep Work Requires Solitude

What I loved most about her book is that she points out the current trend towards “groupthink” and suggests that a lot of deep work is actually work that’s done alone. My husband sometimes jokes that in the corporate world I would be what they call a “sole contributor”. It’s not that I can’t work with people, it’s just that I actually like working on my own. You can leave me for hours or days in a room and I will be perfectly happy, especially if there are some books around.

Historically I would have seen my “sole contributor” trait as a weak spot. But Susan makes a strong argument for solitude being a catalyst to innovation and an important key to creativity. She follows some of the greats in different fields (Darwin, Marie Curie, Rosa Parks, Gandhi etc) as well as successful investors and tech entrepreneurs (Warren Buffett and Steve Wozniak) and points out that they achieved remarkable feats not in spite of their introversion but because of it.

Our current “groupthink” elevates teamwork onto a pedestal. We see it at schools. We see it at work with open plan offices. We see it in the plethora of back to back team meetings. She debunks all of it with research. So whilst 70% of today’s employees work in an open plan, the data shows that open-plan offices reduce productivity, increase stress levels, blood pressure and sickness, create anxiety and decrease personal connections. She details 40 years of research that shows in-person group brainstorming sessions yield fewer ideas of quality than individual brainstorming.

The point of her work is not to ban groups. Goodness knows in this world of texting and tech kids do need to learn to work with others. The point is that there’s also real value in encouraging some solitude – some unplugging from devices, some time in nature and some time to really focus alone on deep work.

TEd Talk With 30 Million Views

In 2012 Susan did a TED talk that’s been watched 30 million times. It’s a great talk but what I found so touching was that maybe half way through (it’s not obvious at the start) you can tell she’s nervous, there are a few slightly longish pauses where you wonder if she’s remembering the next section of her speech, and her breathing is slightly off. I love seeing people like this on stage. Somehow they land as way more authentic than a super polished Tony Robbins doing his thing. I guess it’s the vulnerability that I like. You can check the video out here (20 mins):