So many of us squander the precious time we have being single. We waste it on wishing we weren’t single. We pretend to have fun, but often we’re secretly or not-so-secretly scanning the room, hoping to meet him or her. You know, that person who will complete us and make us feel whole, otherwise known as “the One”.
Now I’ve had my fair share of singledom and won’t deny that those blind dates set up by well meaning friends can be a little awkward. However, if we learnt how to make use of being single, we’d find that at its very center lies the experience of unconditional love that we’re so hungry for.
The key is to pay attention to the thoughts you’re believing in those moments when loneliness hits and you’re convincing yourself you’d be happier if you were in a relationship. Can you be absolutely certain this moment would be better if you had a special someone in your life? Are you absolutely sure that somebody else can make you feel fully alive, complete or at peace? And if so, for how long?
If we pay attention to the physical sensation of loneliness in our bodies – without creating painful stories about it in our heads – we realize it really is only a sensation. Perhaps a hollowness, a heaviness or a yearning in the heart or stomach area. If we relax into the sensation, rather than scheming how to get rid of it, something magical happens. At some point, what we labeled “loneliness” transforms.
When we connect deeply with ourselves we feel love. It turns out we ourselves are the soulmate we’ve been waiting for.
Don’t take my word for it. Next time you’re feeling lonely or empty, find out for yourself what’s really true. You don’t need a formal practice or method to do this, though the free audio ‘Feeling Your Way to Bliss’ may help you relax into your internal world without getting caught up in the drama of your thoughts.
The realization that you’re already whole – the moment you stop reaching and grasping – allows joy to appear. This joy is the secret both to loving being single and loving being in relationship. For whilst society would have us believe that a Mr. or Mrs. Right is the answer to our prayers, the truth is it’s very hard to love another when we haven’t yet learnt to love ourselves and our inner experiences.